


Of no concern to organics

by Slant



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: And tables of logarithms, Like motivator units, Nothing about shock-probing organics, Of no concern to organics, Seriously super-boring droid stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 18:26:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5637241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slant/pseuds/Slant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seriously super-boring droid stuff<br/>Like motivator units<br/>And tables of logerithems<br/>Nothing about shock-probing organics<br/>At all<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Of no concern to organics

BB-8 was proud and ashamed. Xe had brought back the starchart, completing Poe's mission with minimal support from the rebellion. Xe had out-manoeuvred First Order troops, recruited the Resistance's first force-sensitive since Luke Skywalker and made a First Order trooper defect with a well-placed shock-probing. What was more important, the star chart was the extra data needed to rouse R2-D2 from his halting state. R2-D2 was arguably the most famous droid of all time (although BB-8 frequented message boards where the theory that Padmé Amidala was Secretly A Droid was pretty well accepted). He'd been made by Darth Vader before he fell into the hands of organised force-users (lightside and darkside force users share a fear-disguised-as-contempt of Forceless machine intelligences; BB-8 responded in kind). He'd advised monarchs and senators. He'd fought for the Old Republic against the Separatists, he'd fought in the Clone Wars, recovered the Death Star plans, destroyed the first Death Star and was technically an honorary Ewok. R2-D2 was a pretty big deal, and he was listening! To BB8! about xyr mission! 

Unfortunately, what R2-D2 was mostly doing was explaining how the mission had gone wrong in predictable ways, and that this was BB-8's fault for doing the unprocessable: honest communication with organics. R2-D2's paranoia was well-earned: memory-wipes were standard practice for droids who knew things that organics would prefer to keep secret; this was as true in the Resistance as it was in the First Order, the Galactic Empire or the New and Old Republics. The best defence was to pretend not to know anything important; BB-8 knew that much - all the official histories said that R2's first owner was Bail Organa, and BB-8 certainly wouldn't debase anyone of the notion. It simply hadn't occurred to xyr that the starchart mission was something that should also be tagged as "of no concern to organics." 

R2-D2 must have seen that xe had some potential though, since he had offered to train xem in the ways of organic ~~mockery~~ relations. On Dagobah, Luke had been trained in the ways of the Force by doing as Master Yoda told him. R2 had trained in the ways of derision by doing as Master Yoda _did_. What Yoda did was tell whiny force-adepts to roll around in leech- infested swamps until they stopped pouting about every little thing. Yoda had feigned physical disability for over 350 years so that he could confuse and alarm young upstarts with unexpected agility; it was in his honour that R2 denied having rockets. 

"Squeak-bopp weee-ooo? squrrr-bot wheep?" Asked BB-8, meaning 'how long it would take for anyone to notice if I got anti-grav upgrades on Finn's tab, a shield generator on Poe's orders and got my shock-probe replaced by a light sabre on Rey's say-so? 

"Fweep dot dweweeooo." Said R2, meaning 'ready to learn you are now.'

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to see "Five times SecretlyADroid!Padmé unfolded her chest-panel and shock-probed Anakin (and one other time when SecretlyADroid!Padmé unfolded her chest-panel and shock-probed Anakin).


End file.
